So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
