distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
