that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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