i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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