The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
