We won't sleep together?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
