What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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