I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I did not marry a roomba.
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