we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
