you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
