Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
