I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just high enough for therapy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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