I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
