How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
