College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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