I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
