i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
