If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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