fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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