So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
