They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
