All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
