Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
PS: I just woke up from my shower
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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