well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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