I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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