I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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