Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
