and you said cock pushups were impossible
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
