the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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