I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
