I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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