i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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