Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
