The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
