the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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