By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
