just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
