So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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