he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had sex on a roof
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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