Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
