Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
