I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
