I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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