So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
