I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
