i think my mom watched the whole time
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
