You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
