Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
