Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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