just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
