One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
