Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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