You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
