apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize