No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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