Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
