He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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