also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize