I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
