I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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