Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
