I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
