so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
