She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
