I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
