I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
