The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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