Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
