Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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