i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
