Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
