I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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