when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize