I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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