You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
