Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize