he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
