How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
