i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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