Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
