a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
