Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
