from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
