i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
