currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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