I'm drive I can fine osifer
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
