did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
