i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
