Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
