all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
