We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
