I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
