4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
