You made me cry and you don't even care
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
