cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
