Who wears a wallet chain?!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
