Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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