I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
