the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
