Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so let's talk penis.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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