dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize