So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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