just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
