Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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