Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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