Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize