i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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