You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the day after is always just damage control
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
