Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
