when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize